piglet's life

2011-12-07T18:52:00.000+08:00

When the beginning went well, i got reliant.
And now, i feel that i lost an arm when im told my good "buddy" aint coming tml... :((
好空虚与有无助的感觉哦！D:

2011-09-22T00:22:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i really feel that there is such thing as
"A blessing in disguise"
never feel how unlucky you are or how unfair for you,
if things does not comes in favour...
because God has always arrange something better.
And...i truly believe in it because i have experienced it. (:

2011-06-21T23:15:00.002+08:00

i have been catching up on shows...
and recently, im back to Greys' anatomy finding all ways to watch season 7!
gladly to say, im able to to watch season 7 & finished in just 2 days!
just couldnt wait for season 8 !!!
My playlist are some selected songs from Greys' anatomy (:

2011-06-19T23:18:00.003+08:00

我希望我能够更潇洒一点，把我内心不新欢的，不爽的，通通都说出来。。。

但我的性格就是那样不允许。。。

往往都在意别人的眼光与感受！

我实在受不了。我要改变！

因为每一次的推让与顺从别人，使我非常的累和郁闷。:(

2011-06-08T23:16:00.002+08:00

2 more days and its end of attachment! wohooo!

looking back at last 2 weeks when im still having med-surg attachment, that time when i had problem with disengaging..... it is now a totally different kind of feeling.

previously last 2 weeks, i totally want to add her on FB because i dint get to see her on the last day.
then last week, i totally want to add her once this week tue comes as it is by the time she should be recieved our thankyou card.
this week, tue have passed. that strong feeling seemed to fade though i still want to add her on FB, but i now have my reservation. hmm... i halt and thought so what after i added her..... "do i ask if she recieved our card to her?" .... then what if she said yes (but she dint add us).... then wouldnt it be wierd?

but anyway, what im trying to say here is....

TIME is really a significant factor in our life.

time just clicks all the way and it never stops....it changes alot of things.... in terms of relationship, a person, the technology, way how people lead their life, etc...etc... its practically everything.

2011-06-03T00:05:00.002+08:00

yeah... today is FRI! last day working of the week!
i finally voice out what i felt about the posting~ feels so good!
may tml ends off with a good day!

countdowning~~~ 6 more days!

2011-05-31T22:30:00.002+08:00

2 weeks more of attachment!!!
my motor are all ready again....
Despite, now im find more satisfaction and is more familiarise with the roles when i graduate
but i still want the 2 weeks to end fast!
because is PAEDs!
this is one confirm area i know i dont want to be involve in.

Countdowning~~~ 8 more days!!!

2011-05-29T02:25:00.002+08:00

Just read a news article, which is an interview of my school professor, Sally Chan.
found a part of what she mentioned totally true & meaningful....and especially as a student.
we should really think this way in order for us to gain more.....{ sadly to say, many have not yet understood....as seen by many who are complaining that they are doing alot junior's work and not getting able to do much staff nurse's job}.

This was what said by her.....

" if you want to be successful, there are no shortcuts. It is hard work, hard work and more hard work. You must be committed to what you are doing, be focused, work hard and always strive for the highest standard, then you will have a successful career. Opportunities only present themselves to those who are well-prepared. That is what I always tell my students: that you must show that you are committed and willing to work hard, then you will be given opportunities
and you shouldn’t be calculative. I notice that some young people nowadays are too keen on comparing themselves with others when it comes to responsibilities and work. They say, “Why do I have to do this but they don’t? Why do I have to do more than other people?” But I always tell them not to be calculative, because if people ask you to do something, it means that they trust you and think you have the ability to do it. So take up the responsibility happily and do it well, and you can gain credibility. You must be ready for hard work and show that you are committed and motivated to do the job".

I truly agree with it because this yr this semester attachment for med-surgical posting, i just realized it and have worked towards this belief. Results proved that it actually works! I gain much more, much much more from the previous sem in the same hosp (it can be seen by my previous post). What i gain so much more was the relationship & good rapport i had with the staff there and was build by trust. Trust bring us together and allow us to work very well and happy in a team as there is no comparison of who must do what, everyone shares the job! Gradually...., good relationship with the staff brings you more staff nurse opportunities! Soo... not be dreaded and afraid of the hard work at the beginning.

2011-05-28T00:31:00.003+08:00

Today marks the last day of attachment~~~
was not at all tired to be working my 3rd consecutive morning....
because she somehow mentioned she will be working morning tml too!
but when i report to work, no presence of her at the counter which she usually will be already wearing the "DO NOT DISTURB" Sign waiting for us to allow her to read out the central report.... but i was still so hopeful yet also preparing myself that she wont be here.... AHHH her day off....
was feeling rather disappointed, and my mood was somehow dampering....although my last day i finally get to work in the same team with my friend.
my brains somehow became a bit inactivated, though it still get me through pretty well today (probably well trained by her already for the past few days with her).

I realised!!! OMG!
" im in love with her!!!!"

cause she kept hovering around my mind.....
all i could only felt during the last day of attachment was a REGRET.
Because i did not get to come face to face with her and give her a big THANK YOU! i was still hoping to be able to take a picture with her..... and find out more about her during this last day....
IT REALLY WAS A REGRET.... {somehow it bothers me the whole day, i have difficulty disengaging this r/s}

Hope she receive our card to her asap and add us on fb!

Thanks to her....
she makes me feel all confident that i am able to do things myself.

Thanks to her....
she makes me face & realise what i really have interest in and be able to find satisfaction from my job.

Thanks to her....
she makes my day pass very fast as it was indeed a fruitful and fun time working with her. i get to do my skills and at the same time the skills was done proper but also in a relaxing situation!

Thanks to her....
she makes me realise how "unique/cool-looking" can u be in your own special way but also can potray your professionalism at the same time. - her tattoos & kinda long nails.

Thanks to her....
she showed me how to deal with emergency crisis while still able to balance with taking care the others.

Thanks to her....
she showed me how she can juggle all the things so well such that she is able to hand over report fast (sweet & sharp), able to carry out her duties, write report and able to guide us along at the same time while still able to go complete them and be able to go home on time.... how cool that is right! {not many people can do that}

Thanks to her....
i not only can do my skills but also was given chances to document in the nursing records what interventions and evaluations i have done for the patients! { not alot people are willing to give you the chance and guide you proper how to write}

Really Really A Big Thank You To You!
You relieved my first week depression & pumped me some motivation in going to work!

2011-05-15T02:53:00.002+08:00

To forget sth is tougher than being said, especially when emotions from your heart is affected.
that day with that strong feelings, what was done, and being said has never been forgotten....
instead, it remains a mystery which makes me even more wanting to know its significance each day....
i want to know....
the truth....or what i had missed out or have failed to capture that message.
because deep down in me, it is a big REGRET!
it makes me feel terrible when i seen things that are progressing but not me.....
because the mystery that is not resolved, formed a barrier for me to not move on.
but....
what if the answer to the mystery is what i wanted to hear.... what can i still do???
its kinda too late...
thats why there is a mixed feeling in me.
..........
.....
..
.
i seriously need the courage to ask and face them.

2011-05-13T00:13:00.000+08:00

Don't treat me so good.... i will fall for you.

2011-04-05T22:09:00.001+08:00

im moving away~~~
but meanwhile i seem to have seen through things.
disappointed.
but what can i do right?
terribly disappointed....
didnt know u were like that.
i invested too much.
U IDIOT!!!!!

2011-04-03T01:30:00.002+08:00

in case you dont know... im a very sensitive person.
i may look very cheerful but is because im someone who thinks alot in the mind but dont vocalise much my thoughts.
i longed wish for having someone who really knows me. i need you.

2010-12-24T13:24:00.001+08:00

thought holidays would be cool....
but turns out totally bored and meaningless :/

2010-12-12T23:09:00.001+08:00

Will tomorrow be a better day?
i hope i am able to do more skills tomorrow...
i hope i am able to survive on my own...
just hope tml will be a better day! :)

2010-12-06T22:11:00.003+08:00

Dunno is karma or what...
but anyway today is one of the most unexpected, embarrasing, unlucky day of all attachment, i should say....and though is only the first day... for godsake...
impression of me and my reputation is totally utterly dashed just for some dumb things...
if u ask me do i regret? i can tell u is i dontknow... because things have come to a stage whereby i dont even have a choice.
for once, i just felt i got laid into a trap which i have lost right from the start.
totally dash of my mood for attachment and somemore is where i will be in the future years...
this is totally a terrible day!
i really tried to held back...
i didnt want to let others esp her to see the stupid side of me... but i just couldnt controlled...
so eventually, i gave her the chance to give me the last kick. "THANKS" man!
what a totally great start huh....
i admitted, my ego is totally shattered. yes, all because of U... and ironically, WHO ARE U!

2010-11-27T01:06:00.002+08:00

that pair of eyes.... that short speech.... they seemed to explain alot about it.
i just missed them all.... <3
will there be miracles???
i really wished miracles would really happen.....

2010-10-25T02:39:00.002+08:00

once again~ been gone for so long...
because sometimes i also dunno what to post.

Anyway after the past few busy weeks of having to meet those assignment deadlines,been busy like mad = totally no life...
BUT~~!
ironically, this weekend , i have been too free but that doesn't give me a life either.
apart from sleep late, waking up late, eating, watching shows on tv and online, im studying =.= ,instead of going out!
practically too lazy to get my ass out of the house already,though i really wanted to go shopping!
probably i'm immuned by the assignments = no life. :(
wth is wrong with me?!?!?!?
so much for being a parasite or a 宅女！
okie!
i need to get a life!
in fact, i want to do so much, yknow...
catching up horror movies
shopping
eat fried mars balls
try KFC roasta burger
try burger kind new grilled chicken burger
....
..
...
....
so much more!
i dont care, must do them this week before attachments & exams start!!

2010-10-16T22:53:00.000+08:00

Constipate >.<

2010-10-12T00:12:00.002+08:00

im here means u shall sense a bit of whining.... HAHAHA!

ever felt that when u are rushing for time, everything doesn't goes in your way...
whats makes it worst is such that obstacles suddenly seem to appear and wants to make matters worst. =.=
then i thought, is that like some spirit trying to punish me for whatever " wrongdoings" i done?
is that karma...
yep, these thoughts suddenly ran through my mind.
HAHAHAH!
instead of finding alternatives huh...
ps: but i have nth wrong when i reflected. HAHAHAH! maybe must become a nun already. :X

okie, whatever it is.... handed in my 2nd essay... its like removing one sack of rice from my shoulder.
essays are stress...
but because i have never forget what my teachers told me when i was in secondary school... which makes me grow & survive till now. { ahh.. freak.. reminiscing again.. look forward!!}

yesh.... cant wait for last essays to get them to finish up... then im seriously going to start my "lose weight" plan...i must perservere to lose weight!!!
hahahahah!!!

2010-08-09T02:40:00.002+08:00

Through an application on phone, i read pass this.
Its very motivating and meaningful :)
so share with ya:

Girls are like Apples.
The best ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground which aren't as good but easy.
So, the apples at the top think that there is something wrong with them,
when in reality, they are amazing.
They just have to wait for the right boy to come al0ng,
The one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top.
Hence, never think you don't deserve the best.

2010-08-07T02:17:00.002+08:00

i have never been happy....
really not a single moment im really happy ever since school starts.
putting a front smile but my heart is not happy at all.
just sincerely felt that way....
its like accumulated small depressing stuffs makes a whole mountain of hidden unhappiness.
i was just wondering if i ever made the wrong choice.
i was thinking if that was only deceiving.
i thought that when i realised im not myself anymore but trying to act that im in the pict when im not at all. hence i feel wierd somehow.
feeling insecure.
does not have a sense of belonging.
AHHHHH..... i have become afraid of humans.
PLUS, the many not understandable part of physiology.
im just DOOM.
in addition, the intimidating new comers added to stress level.
not a good sign.....
im stressed when sch has not really started yet.
sigh~~~~
just wish for the the clock to tick slower for the last 3 days :(

2010-07-27T03:07:00.003+08:00

A gun be bought at the supermaket and its at sale???
Thank god, Singapore doesnt allow any dangerous weapons!
its so damn right for even taking extra precautions even one verbally mention, " im going to kill u."
Indeed a heart-wreaking, exciting, tense, inspiring season 6!

and...pairs are going wrong!
i want....
Derek to be alright.
Meredeith's baby could be save.
Izzie and Burke to be back.
Izzie could be with Karev.
Burke back with Christina.
Owen expressed that he love Teddy.
Lexie and Sloan..........
Cant wait for Season 7!!!!

2010-07-26T01:16:00.003+08:00

so merry!
i finally bought samsung galaxy GT-19000!
after so much of procrastination and i decided!
im glad i dint regret :)
i want "clothes" for my samsung!! i hope there is, in the market.
its so USER-FRIENDLY, which make me love it more!

2010-07-14T03:11:00.001+08:00

" u are attracted to me, because i am not attracted to u. "
just struck me....
and reminded me.
yesh, now i know....

2010-07-01T14:39:00.000+08:00

i have quite enjoyed my holidays so far....
been occupied by attachments, outings, ktv, meet up session and especially GSS!
GSS is making me feeling much sense of guilt with almost every 100 bucks spent away everyday.
indeed, horrible!
i need to stop stop spending any more $$ on clothes!
and i need to be self-aware of the exact figure inorder for me to REALLY STOP!!!

and at the same time of having fun,
devil flu came onto me!
im using like 1 toilet roll everyday!!
AHHHHH!!
worse of all, just the day when i buy all the choco tibits and stuffs!!!
they are all awaiting me to munch them...
and if i dont start, they will be gone into my bro's tummy!

but horrible devil cant stop me!
so many things i wanna do....

decorate and clear my room
clear up my closet to put new clothes i bought ^^
movies!
more mahjong sessions
exercise! , and more....

plan plan plan!

2010-06-17T23:11:00.002+08:00

can i tell u what i really feel?...

2010-05-31T22:17:00.003+08:00

" suhui, faster!!! go see ur results!"
while people is feeling so anxious to know their results,
im not the least into knowing my results.
i kept forgetting about it...
Oh! suhui where is ur drive when in ur secondary school?
where is ur enthusiasm?
where is ur kiasusm?
where is ur drive to strive for much better grades?
where have they gone to?!?!?!
i seem to be satisfied with them....
what a shame in fact.
because in the past, im definetly not one who would be contented with only that.
but anw,
im just glad i passed everything , especially my stats which i dint complete like 3/4 of the paper.
am also glad i did improve.
BUT im so gonna S/U both my electives.

***
just feel that alot people want to know just to make themself feel they aint scoring that bad =/
who know, they will be mocking at one corner....

2010-05-23T02:05:00.002+08:00

today then i realised what u gave me was....
i dont care if it is reciprocate.
because that is what is all about, isnt it.
but definetly thats not waiting....
because i dont find it a great effort.

2010-05-22T03:03:00.002+08:00

after so long....
after many emotion up and down like a roller coaster...
then the truth came to light.
sometimes might thought, would it be better not to learn the truth?
might feel that the lesser the information, the better?
but anw i would choose to face the reality and not drown myself into dreams that will never happen.
afterall, it werent so bad....
i just wanted to learned it personally inorder to convince myself.
truthfully, i do felt sth but it was only at that moment of truth.
and now, i guess roller coaster has come to a stop and i have gotten out from it.
the next roller coaster ride would definetly be a changed purpose.
it just feels so good to know the truth!

***

death may not be only a sorrow, it could also be a relief.
but i sincerely hope i am able to tell u the last goodbye and give u the most comfort care.

2010-05-18T23:48:00.000+08:00

nth to comment....

just hope tml will be a better day....

2010-05-16T20:50:00.002+08:00

polyclinic attachement ends!

had really a fun time there.

and tml is where the battle really starts!

4 weeks attachment to NUH...

hope i will learn alot through the process, at the same time enjoy my time.

trim nails (DONE)

iron uniform (DONE)

prepare the things to bring

recap skills and knowledge

AHHHH....

just dont feel anything now...

not really prepared to fight the battle yet =X

but i hope attachment ends fast!

muhaahahahaha...

then i can go overseas! ^^

2010-05-10T23:51:00.002+08:00

today marks the start of the first day of attachment to polyclinic.

first time visiting bb polyclinic after its renovation.

more and cooler facilites.

had a changed preception of polyclinics now.

didnt know it provides so many other services.

what i like about it is that nurses has their own power in there.

they have their own rooms, own services, and definetly more respect!

may consider working there if im married or age is catching up (:

because its actually really significant to the community.

a good start off and im looking forward to learn more in the upcoming days!

2010-04-29T00:33:00.002+08:00

i happen to watch tv and came by this topic with my sister.
to be able to be married, stay with and love a person for the rest of your life.
and i thought to myself....
this would be difficult man....
time! is a powerful factor.
time! may let u come to like this person....
but time! will also dimish this " like"-ing feeling when its been so loong u ever hardly meet.
marrying~ being with the person everyday~
though this love wont diminish bcause u hardly ever meet each other , but it dimishes when the moment of boreness comes.
so whats left with love are just responsbilities.
will u stay with the same person because u have to fulfill ur responsibilites that u promise?
hmmm....

2010-04-12T00:44:00.002+08:00

have u ever finish watching a drama and misses it?

Drama-trapped syndrome!

im having this syndrome...

just finished a medical drama but i somehow werent prepared for it to be the last episode,

and im missing it....feelings are trapped in it!

and worst is that i do not know what to do at home after getting used to spending my time watching a show.

what a joke: there is a connection between u and the drama...

beginning to hate "last episode" =.=

best remedy is to not watch any right, but do u think thats possible?

***

at the same time wondering if it is good news because EXAMS are coming!!!

no dramas no distractions.

dunno what to do @ home but i dont feel like starting my revision anytime.

not enough pressure to push me to start yet,

though i know time aint enough.

....

2010-03-31T00:07:00.003+08:00

我好烦啊！！！

背着一个心里的包袱，烦闷的心情，我要明天怎么去考试呀！

真的很烦！。。。

2010-03-21T04:21:00.002+08:00

today i slept the entie day.
from last night 2am to 7pm.
total of 17 hrs!
seriously compensating my sleep...
wahhaa... then the first thing i woke up is to cook dinner!
suddenly have the urge to cook.
Dinner menu:

Spaghetti (minced meat, mushroom, hotdogs, onions and cheese with tomato sauce)
Cheese omelette - first attempt but was SUPERB! damn healthy too (egg, onion and cheese,). NO seasoning. Really got that cheese effect!!!
Mango dessert
Kinder bueno for snack after everything ^^

A reward for myself! lol.... {i cook for the whole family also lor}

having to sleep the entire day which explain why i am so awake now -4.30 am!

just completed PBL only... first time do within an hr with the max page out of my entire pbl session. Am so happy its the last PBL alr!!!!

2010-03-20T00:13:00.002+08:00

u know what....
i seriously hate to listen to ppl whine or see the reluctant expression when things are arranged.
if u have time to whine, why not come out with a better suggestion urself...
it makes u more worthwhile than just a whiny piece of shit.
Also, the organiser doesnt owe you a living or something such that she has to see and swollow your disguisting "feedbacks"!
please get this straight right into the head, bottom of ur mind, deep into your hearts. -.-

******

finally handed in NCP and send Mdm See to the last office...
because my ncp wont be able to help her also.
breaking my record to be awake from the previous day till the next day 8am!
one down.
more to come!
next is TC! Gambatte!!!

******

i made a bet with myself today.
and god gave me an answer.
i am convinced and i believe i can forget about everything & pick myself up and continue walkin this path....
its no big deal anyway.
no one is ever indispensible in your life.

2010-03-14T05:10:00.002+08:00

OMG OMG OMG!!!!
today i finally fulfilled one of my dreams...
constantly envying others who has night lifes, who go try diff kinds of drinks, who hang out late at night, who go crazy dancing on the dance floor....
and TODAY!!!
i did everything!!!
WAHHHHHAAAAA......
went zirca to watch my beloved shroomy sings!!!
oh, her canto singing touched my heart. seriously....
the rest of the other performance were also thumbs up!
hehe (:
then, continuoued my night after the performance ended.
went to drink!!!
drank and learn alot too!
i drank:

Flaming Lamborghini- 30 % alcohol.
Waterfall flaming
Yagabombs
151 - 75.5 % alcohol.
graveyard - its indeed graveyard!!!! taste damn yucky and after i drank it then i realise what it contains- Vodka, Beer, Bourbon, Gin, Scotch Whisky, Stout, Tequila, Triple Sec. -.-

and got so high, "so we dance on the dance floor...ohh yea yeah...."

Quite fortunate, im still able to survive home , not drunk....

had a fun and a satisfying day!!!!! WOHOOOOOO!!!!

okie, and now im soooo unable to sleep and its like 5.40 am alr... tml still have to head for the temple....

2010-03-12T00:52:00.002+08:00

时间渐渐地把过去轰轰烈烈的事都淡化了，

我也渐渐的发现这因该不是我以为我想要的。。。

但。。。

每当你的出现，

为何会让我的心跳加速，迅速地跳动。。。？

我想，我怕。。。

因为明明知道是不可能，

也知道是每有好结果。

而我压抑的好心苦，

宁愿你不要在我的面前出现。。。

虽然我很想跟以前一样，

但。。。真的很难。。。

Never will it going to be the same.

2010-03-01T02:20:00.002+08:00

im happy...

i change to a new list of playist!!!

and the songs are specially selected by me.

so....

give me face,

listen to the entire playist!

hahahaha...

joking joking.

but if u have the time , why not spare some time eh!!! ^^

2010-02-28T03:23:00.001+08:00

难到你不知道女人都是口事心非的吗？

2010-02-23T23:05:00.003+08:00

i have many things i wanted to say to u...

but everytime i see u, i forgot what i want to say.

my mind seriously gone blank.

instead, a stimulus kept on signaling me that i must treat everything as nothing.

to be like what it used to be...

but god has created 3 chances,

it proved i couldnt make it still.

***

i think...

i think i tasted the style of a typical uni student who typically has no activites but to go to class and go home after class.

no cliques of friends to gather around with anymore.

walking alone from tutorials to lectures to tutorials.

have to do & decide things independently.

learn to take up roles or activites even though no one will be with u.

i think the only thing i haven tasted is to eat alone ...

saddness.

i couldnt really adapt to it.

do i have a choice?

yes, i do.

change myself. but its impossible...

2010-02-15T16:00:00.002+08:00

let go...
im really letting go...
and im happier.
feeling more relaxed.
i realised,
all along i just like the kind of feeling of small chats...
and,
nothing else.
i only like that feeling....
i just realise that only after yesterday.
but its not too late afterall,
at least i realised...
in the past was really misleading and...
and when u are misleaded, u get blinded by the facts.
and stay in the stage of denial...
phew!
feeling more relieved (:
***
enjoying my CNY.
but i wished time didnt pass that fast.
tml is alr 初二。):
i want to gamble , do visiting, chatting, eating....
but...
going to end soon.
well, just enjoy then.
no use looking too far~

2010-02-14T05:42:00.003+08:00

now is almost 6am!!!
but im still wide awake, meddling with facebook.
and...
i finally found my interest to a catergory of game in FB.
i spent 3 hrs on learning and playing TexaS Hold'em!!!
COOL!!
i like this lots..
gives me a feel of like im really in those kinda casino...
and im winning like big bucks...
and when there is opportunity, u show hand!
my first time playing and i headed to LVL 5!!
yipee (:
im turning to a gambler/ poker freaK soon, i guess.
i only wake up when the lecturer mention " gambling/bets" for stats.
i spent my time on lvl game - poker!
im only happy n find a sense of satisfaction when i play with cards and bet money!
HAHAHAHAHA~
its a great time to feel this way.
because...
its CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!
well, im slping now...
wish everyone a HAPPY CNY!
get more hongbao,
eat more bagua
and
win lots of $$! HUAT ARH! lol.

2010-02-12T12:01:00.003+08:00

feeling is so different today...
time could probably fades alot things away.
sagattarius is proabably sagattarius.
just accept what its arranged
and just move on...
there is always another perspective in looking at things.
and definitely,
it will be beneficial if i move on...
but could i really???
saying is such an easy thing but doing is likewise.
humans are all greedy sorts of living kind.
u cant have it, there will sure be someone who will own it.
but at the same time,
delimma comes in.
u dont want to let go because u are used to having it and naturally u dont like others to have what is "yours"....
zzzzzzzzz.......
zzzzzz......
zzz......
zz...
z.

2010-02-10T00:11:00.005+08:00

-关怀方式-

Way of Caring

寂寞開在心事旁

隨手種一些傷感

不讓星星來窺探

找個沉默的夜晚

不讓星星來窺探

隨手種一些傷感

寂寞開在心事旁

我的關懷方式是你無法察覺的悲涼

只能在你不經意時才鎖上我心房

你往常的親切友善是我今生的遺憾

受傷後無悔的埋在不流露的臉上

***

i like this song since young....

especially in guitar version.

可能会以身相许如果有人真的用guitar 弹这曲！

哈哈哈=X

2010-02-07T23:34:00.003+08:00

i have been slacking my way this weekend.
didnt even do any readup... super into CNY mood..

but at the same time lazy to clean up my room.

but anyway,

a new toy just delievered to my hse today.

it cost 1000 bucks k!

dont play play...

damn cool one!

TADAA!!! A bicycle which has a battery, acts like a motor.its environmental friendly!

see the mirror!

damn cool la! why so?

there is keys to it!
it has alarm. and it sounds like those cars security alarm!
u can signal left or right, exactly like how cars do.
LED LIGHTS!
the handle is an accelerator!

u totally dont have to ride at all!!! somemore its so pretty ;)

okie! i got my mahjong set! purple tiles! FINALLY !!! ^^

2010-02-07T21:09:00.002+08:00

self-denial...

do i think i am?

i only know i cant let things shouldnt happen, happen.

my brain is all there to control what i really felt...

self-supression,

self-determination!

but i wonder how much longer my brain is there to control.

one day,

it might just lose its stretchability of control

and...

i just cant imagine what would happen.

2010-02-05T00:22:00.000+08:00

i kept my ego so high till im feeling miserable.

how pathetic it is, isnt it?

2010-02-01T21:43:00.002+08:00

knowledge is power!

tsk! i guess i have so much to catch up on, i have so much to read...

im feeling like as though im eating million plates of chicken rice and i have to finish them in 1 day.

i doubt i can cope with it.

but i have to =(

2010-02-01T01:48:00.003+08:00

“喜欢有很多，爱只有一个。。。"

这句话说的一点也没错。

哈哈！

这让我是乎好过一些，不觉得亏疚因为我有经过那么多喜欢的人。

可是没有人能够代替那个让我曾拥有爱的感觉。

我现在明白了！:)

2010-01-31T00:43:00.002+08:00

had a trip to NTU...
the scenary and the environment suits me lots.
i find the place very comfy...and its suitable to do work there...
plenty of table, plenty of plugs around...
but i developed a flu because of the lack of slp...
and see PBL, i damn sianx... seriously!!!

anw there is sth damn funny but accurate and its true.
im forever waiting for buses but whenever i send a sms to whine abt it, the bus always comes.
not only this morning when i wanted to head to boon lay...
when i was on my way home at the interchange waiting for the bus,
can u simply imagine not even a single 174 bus in sight okie!!!
waited for like about 30 mins, i started to whine.
and the next moment i see is 4 buses of 174 came!!!!
freaking idiotic la!!!!
first time wait at the interchange like for sooo long....
its getting on my nerves...
i really want to complain!!!
just wondering cant they just borrow a bus and return them one when 174 is back...
so lack of efficiency and flexibility!!!!
okie.. it affects my mood totally...
so i came home simply vent my anger on everyone who comes near me..
just couldnt help it.

okie.. today is the most draining day...
my stress hormone is activated causing my nose to act like a running tap..
freaky!!!
a tired man is an angry man... better go slp before i flared up again.

2010-01-30T02:25:00.002+08:00

a long but not tiring day for me....
cause i went out early and came home late, only 10% because of study.
went to school for only 1 hr lecture....
but i ate and chat plenty today!!!
had claypot for lunch at clementi to celebrate KATE'S b'dae...
the porkribs claypot was nice and i think the set meal is worthwhile!
then last min after my lecture,
went to meet mushroom for fun....
went arnd shopping, gossiping, chatting and ate MOS burger and had VODKA.
first time felt the mos burger was nice...which means im going to eat it more often =x
okie, i only drank half bottle of vodka and my face turned seriously red like some tomatoes.
but i wasnt drunk at all...
just that i have plenty of RBCs, which is alwys easily misunderstood that im shy....tsk!
i would like to emphasis, im not drunk and neither am i shy...
LOL.
anyway, we drank and chat and enjoy the breeze outside lot 1.
didnt felt like going home....
had a gush moment to go to westcoast to chill...
mushroom, next time we go k!!!
maybe can watch sunrise also...go nightwalk...or sth!
lets go chill !!!! ^^

im turning in for the day! tml going to ntu to study!
must have a productive study day tml!!!

2010-01-29T01:17:00.002+08:00

i came across this picture....
just found it nice and interesting...
it gives me a feeling of complicated.
perhaps everyone has diff views on it... can share?....

mixed feelings of complication.
have u ever betray ur own feelings inorder to do something that is percieved to be right?
sometimes the thing u really wanted to get hold of,
but for some reasons and .....
for many other factors that add into considerations,
u have to supress your feelings and determinely say, " no , u dont want it!"
that seemed to be human.
that seemed to be life.
sometimes, the plenty of times u do that just make u feel, " life has become so meaningless.."
because one big factor is " we, humans are greatly disturbed by how ppl look at us."
dont try to deny...why so...?
why are we so concerned with our appearance - clothes we wear, ur facial, hairstlye?
but of coz some may so but still some looked ugly...
haha...
those ppl who are ugly might feel that it is nice according to their standard of dressing style.
but they still dressed up for the public.
kinda sad.... but it cant be helped though...

LOL... this post is super random because im simply bored when everyone has gone to slp and im still online, so bloody wide awake.
Probably was high because mushroom told me something hilarious n freaky misleading earlier on...
i need to hypnotise myself!
yeah.. tml sakae!!! ^^

2010-01-27T03:31:00.003+08:00

A tiring but yet a super fun and happy day!
after many whinings of my day at sch from 8 to 8, a last min decision to have supper/dinner with kate and mushroom....
this is the first time we really came out and had dinner and chit chat till damn high!
its free and its healthy HIGH!!!
no alcohol, no drugs!!! keke...
haha... so " auntie " already!
we not only form the huang zhu yi jia but also the " classical auntie band"...
HAHAHA!!!
so what we play?
.
.
.
.
.
.
we play MAHJONG! {hahaha.. okie, i know its damn lame}
caveman used this to attack me back! tsk...
i had a tremendous fun day with a tummy ache and contraction of jaw muscles from all the laughings....
all the damn lame but funny jokes as well....
all the saving money methods,
all the gossips!!!
hahaha!!! " powerderful auntie spirit" !!!
sooo looking forward for overnight mahjong sessions and meatball trip!!!
LOL....
oops! at the same time must take care of image!!!
BECAUSE : my new yr revolution is - FYP!!!! ^^

2010-01-26T01:18:00.003+08:00

im trying to find time out for blogging.
totally busy these days which i also dunno why.
24 hrs probably aint enough... because i need at least 10 hrs of slp =/

anyway woke up early today to reach school at 7.30 am...
had lecture at 8 am and the entire lecture i wasnt really paying attention just caught the repetitive phrase as such, "..., hence if u want to lose weight, u must cut down the calories..."
okie...
im damn guilty listening to the lecture.
because sunday i really ate NON-STOP since lunch.
i had lunch at waterloo st. and my lunch was fab.
all my favourites - chicken, roasted duck, assam fish head, mongoli pork ribs, potatao leaves with balachan.
then continuoed since my aunts doesnt want to shop so we went to drink TEA.
had desserts- pomelo with mango ice, cheng teng., chee kuey, fruits, drinks...
and then seriously dinner time is like so fast!
my dad drove us from waterloo st. to kembangan to have dinner.
and again, a feast of food - steamed fish, claypot ginger pork, chicken floss with fried toufu, potato leaves fried with garlic, satays!
okie.. somemore at that time was already 8 plus going to 9.
knowing my mum likes durian,
my dad then drove us to yio chu kang, durian 717....
to have durians!!!!
okie, despite my stomach is going to burst, the durian was fantastic!
D24 XO!!!!
hehe!!!!
see from the way im having my food... im feeling very very guilty!!!
somemore this week, i didnt even go exercise =X
indeed a fulfilling sun hur, travel around singapore to eat!

okie.. im gonna sleep after this fast-speed update.
tml is a loooong day!! my day in sch starts at 8am and ends at 8pm =(
worst than those working!!!!

2010-01-20T01:12:00.002+08:00

was pondering over to change blogskin again.
but...
did it halfway and i gave up....
partly because im too fussy about every minor details...
mind as well do myself one right, but im shitty at html codes.
so have got to live with it.

***
but anw today was horrendous.
im distracted the entire day...
totally not myself...
did things i wont do..
i stared blankly when kate was talking to me.
i totally forgt about my wallet.
somemore my friend keep calling me, i didnt hear...
told caveman to photocopy things for me when it was totally none of his business.
daydreaming in econs lecture on and off...
printed for my mum 2 pages of the same page and didnt realise....
got back home feeling emo.

i also dunno why....probably i knew. but i DENIED. who knows?

2010-01-19T02:21:00.003+08:00

im dead beat after looking through the wordy contemp journals and physio textbook.
but i still want to blog before i go to bed,
to make my day an end.
i know its a late end and i have to climb out of bed tml latest by 8am and end school at 8pm.
worst than working huh...
thats too bad, a timetable i planned.
the first day of school with tutorials.
ok, all of a sudd i felt so independent because i go to classes myself.
kinda sad...but all of a sudd i had the feel of uni life.
and going into tutorials with new groups of people every modules.
kinda open up my social cycle abit by mixing more with people i havent talked to ever since started sch in sem 1.
but,
i would still hope to have at least a friend to accompany me to tutorials...
i guess tml will be damn tiring, long day for me... but it would end up fun!
because i wont be alone the entire day, ya see...

oh, went with sis to JP today after sch since i end my day quite early.
had KFC for lunch, im damn guilty la!
therefore, i sacrificed my favourite seaweed chicken and just drink my vegtable soup for dinner.
then roamed around JP....
i bought a pair blink blink lime green ear stud and a pair magnetic "diamond" stud which cost me a total of 6.80.
i think its damn ex!
but i like it still... because i can have 3 studs on a ear now!!!
stylo milo eh!!!
oh, i also bought a red watch, its quite trendy though...
but the crazy me didnt thought of going bugis to get it instead.. could be cheaper...
i lost my auntie spirit when im with my sis!
tsk tsk!!! just feeling bad that im spending so much in a day.
im suppose to start saving...."BEAR THAT IN MIND!"

im gonna turn in...
just sooo looking forward to wed, an OFF day!!! then my tues is not that toturing.

2010-01-16T02:34:00.001+08:00

a week gone...
so far so good.without Cors, life would be much better....
i have somehow adapted to the uni lifestyle but just sad that cannt be with the people u want all the time.
this week was rather free because only lectures were arranged.
after attended the lectures,i realised i love electives much more than my core modules.
i took electives totally diff from my core mod...
am happy i took stats and econs.despite stats was expensive, i think its worth!
it allows my brain to start working again.
it gives me a sense of satisfaction once again, its maths!!
it brings me out of the pain of the biology....
hence, i dont mind having to pay so much and also sacrificing my fri just to attend the one lecture in my entire day.
New resolution:

Gotta take things seriously now... meaning to really go understand stuffs even how much i hated.
Get to the right cycle of life.
Healthy lifestyle!!!

okie.. im off to sleep... many more things to do... felt satisfied after clearing the dark clouds of stats in my head!!! ^^

2010-01-14T00:16:00.002+08:00

The contemplating of Cors system is coming to an end.
finally, i can see glimpse of light now...
this balloting of tutorial makes alot feel really irritated.
yes, it truly sucks...
really damn shagged!
must wake up early for it.
must continuously monitor anyone drop the slot and then u must faster go add it.
must bear with the " begging" style to ask ppl to change slots with u...
if people willing to change, its still okie...
worst of all, they arent willing or they couldnt...
its like ur hope is diminish, especially repeating ur request many times, diminished hope has also disappear... tsk!
after all the whining, i get at least my slots without wed affected.
okie.. i should be happy...
but i guess im too greedy and fussy to want more to satisfy myself..
i shouldnt do that!!!
but knowing eh , " Resigning to fate is not what i would do!"... so i will still cont. to get my desired slots with desired ppl.
and after everything, i realised. “也勉强，也是拿不到你所理想的”...
hence, next sem im gonna change my strategy and not let history repeats itself.

2010-01-09T19:13:00.003+08:00

after weeks of troubling what modules i can take, what modules i should take....
after days of deciding what modules should i change, how much point should i bid inorder to secure and can i secure the modules,
the result is finally out!
and my life is peaceful again :)
i can smile again....
lucky angel is on my side. hehe
okie...
the next battle is to prepare for tutorial ballioting.
this requires luck.
seriously luck!!!
because ballioting doesnt ensure u a place in ur designated slot to have ur idealistic timetable.
so....
must cont. praying for lucky angel to be my side eh!!!! =)
a good start of the year brings a good end of the semester.

today is a happy day and i went swimming.
but how i wish i have my own swimming pool.
i serously hate public pool because its squeezy.
reason partly because it is a weekend, therefore swimmers only have 3-4 middle lane to swim.
the rest are reserved for swimming classes and Nassa Test.
only 3 -4 lane, which makes swimming area so narrow.
To prevent from head-crash,
we were asked to swim in a circle, always on the right.
the irritating part was ppl are swimming so damn slow and i have to follow their ass which disrupts me from my swimming. TSK!!!!
ok, after a while i identified the fast swimmers and i follow behind to help me path the way..
hahaha!!!
okie, today i swam 30 laps in 45 mins alone.
felt less guilty after a swim....
at least i exercise from all my unhealthy diet... hehe!

yeah!! mushroom is gonna be back tonight! WOHOO!!!

2010-01-07T02:21:00.003+08:00

just flipped to a notebook while being frustrated with cors,
and i found this pict which i drew while studying physiology with mushroom.

its a porkyshroom! cute huh!!!

it would be great to have this kind of species on earth... hahaha

2010-01-06T03:29:00.002+08:00

have u loved someone till the extend that even u two do not worked out, u just do not know how to love again? (is real love, i meant)

2010-01-05T19:12:00.002+08:00

whatever decisons we have to make in the past,
whether to go to some places or not,
whether to take up this or not,
yes or no,
is also not as difficult as this.
because they are just few choices to choose from....
and choosing electives are much more of a headache.
other than choosing the modules,
u need to consider many things such as
whether if it clashes with ur lectures,
whether if it clashes with ur exams,
whether if it is expensive,
whether if it is difficult,
and so on....
so many things to consider.
what makes it worst if the modules u finally made a choice,
and sth else just pops up and makes u change ur mind again...
ok, im whining!!!
i just hope i get through round 2A successfully and i made the right choice tml.

2009-12-31T15:29:00.002+08:00

been back from batam quite a while and...
this jap drama has occupied me for days.
titled, " JIN".
it has many nice quotes and one of them is as such:
" how i wish i could become a snow, so that i could lie on your shoulder anytime."
simple words and it could project out all feelings!

not forgetting the theme songs accompanying it.

2009-12-23T23:24:00.003+08:00

im not really fond of books....
but i guess reading some other peoples' work is definetly beneficial to own knowledge, your attitude and sometimes it may even bring u to reflect upon your own thoughts.
hmmm..
just passed by a blog,
and i realised....
she has what i felt....
however, previously i only concentrate on the minor stuffs that trigger my emotions.
but not at a bigger picture.
i was probably too niave and simple thinking...
now i know what it is to be a good reflection.
a good reflection is not sth that describes the entire situation and how it trigger ur emotions,
but is what u learn from it.
probably i still did mention somehow,
but i was paying more attention on the situation.
that was really a lesson learnt.

2009-12-21T23:04:00.002+08:00

after weeks of attachment, im crazy over shopping!!
going everywhere also can shop...
after my entire day of shopping on sat which cost me total of 104 bucks,
i continue to shop till now...
even at school today.
must be wondering in school what can i shop right?
its shocking k!
i spent almost 50 bucks in the school co-op for a pullover and a shirt.
damn disgusiting looking at the way i spent my $$$!!!!
no income but money kept flowing out like water...
im predicting that im gonna spent at least 150 bucks more....
and im still going to batam this week!
argh!!! BROKE!!!
ok, just whining how poor im getting and also reflect on my spending, but i just couldnt help it =x
have to start saving and earn back my min bank amount when school starts...
must do some financial planning!!!

other than going to school to hand in the stupid reflections,
had my lunch with mushroom at engin and ate my fav tao hui...
yummy!
then wanted to explore the school...
but we were stuck at the co-op for almost an hr....
thats ladies!
hahahaha...
okie, then i found out something that i never see before anywhere...
" A nude slipper" - slipper with nothing attached to it, only the base of the slipper...
cool right!!!!
so much wanted, but think of my pocket plus i dont think i will want to bear the risk.
in case, one day if the base cant work anymore then i have to go barefoot....

okie, i met caveman today coincidentally...
loll....
i realised sth...
could attachment changed caveman personality to become more socialise?
hahaha...
initially i thot i could be dreaming...
how could caveman not be a caveman! lol...

2009-12-15T19:22:00.002+08:00

i dont think i have done right after much thoughts.

but i dont feel guilty.

its just that flashes keep on popping on my head...

i wondered could i have handled it better?

i just wondered, how should i deal it if i am given a 2nd chance.

if its others, what would they do?

i need an advice...

2009-12-10T22:43:00.002+08:00

today is the 4th day of attachment and is my first day of afternoon shift.
i kinda enjoy afternoon shift more than morning shift.
probably because im a nocturnal person,
am more awake and alert in the afternoon and night.
it allows me to be more hyperactive and can carry out my practices better.
finally first day, inflicting no harm to anyone!
i begin to like my patients (=
some are damn funny...
especially many of them are elderly and their behavior and mentality are kinda like a 2nd childhood, they are damn cute =p
today began to apply a thicker face mask, hence had more communication with the nurses.
and also become more daring in speaking up what i want.
overall, i began to enjoy =D

2009-12-10T00:48:00.002+08:00

i just finish my reflections.
but i took a long time to finish because it is not going in a smooth flow of thoughts.
it should be right?
but im too occupied in answering the guided questions.
sigh~
its actually one of the difficult reflections to write about in my entire life.
i also dont know why.
its only the third day,
and i dont think im enjoying it at all...
i just felt drained.
everyday a facade smile.
and have to put on a thick layer of skin to beg for signatures.
just cant wait for this to end....
actually some thoughts passed my mind but i know i shouldnt be thinking this way.
im beginning to think if im really suitable for it.
sigh~
i hope i will do better in the 2nd week such that i can convinced myself to carry on.
i need a motivation which can push me to wake up at 6 am everyday, to survive the 2 weeks...

anyway, my back is feeling much better today but my leg is aching like shit.
must continue with good body mechanics even during sleeping.

oh yeah, i had a scary dream last night.
i dreamt that my results are out and i got horrible result till its unbelivable.. but its so true..
i dreamt i gotten my GPA score of 2.9/5 !
i hope this is not true...
or else im really gonna breakdown....

ok, thats all for today... need to work out my objectives and im off to sleep =D

2009-12-08T17:58:00.002+08:00

2nd day of attachment.
get up with a body ache, esp. my LUMBAR area.
now i cannt bend... anything really must use body mechanics now! =(
but anyway, today was definetly a better day than yesterday!
because i learnt much more things, had more hands on.
1. showering. - a time to scan for presure areas
2. feeding
3. parameters
4. changing diapers
5. changing linen
6. draining of urine bag.
7. record

and especially, APIE in real case scenario which taught and analysed with me by sis.
really grateful to her, despite i broke out into cold sweats and the qns being asked is worst than contemp exam. phew!
because it really gives me the believe in how to apply and hence bringing out its importance.
she woke up my niave-tivity.

all these may sound and seemed easy. but i tell u its not. all ur arts, sci, ethical, personal knowing have to come in inorder to do them well!

ok, i really need to sleep early tonight to wake up early tml.
argh! hate rushing, luckily i dont have to depend on bus. if not i will really have to pay back 2 hrs. =/
to have sufficient back rest and for me to open my eyes big and wide to listen to report.
argh... no wonder i got a feeling of being asked.

2009-12-07T20:45:00.002+08:00

First day at work!
more observation that doing.
but i did sth.
despite knowing the skills,
coming to clinical practicum is different.
a real scenario this time,
it adds on to the tense that u have to do it one time and no wrong.
but it seriously differ alot alot alot...
my mind seem unable to connect the skills we learnt in lab and in real scenario,
despite the things we do are the same.
ok, and i know i seriously have to put in effort to work out my objectives and plan what i must do before each day starts, or else no signature =(
esp the recording work adds on to the already stress working environment.
just one day, im tired... =(
ahh!
ok, im just whining...
i have 9 days more to go...
if i continue to whine, it wont do me good... it will just make me feel each day is a misery!
so.. im gonna stop! stop whining!!!

reflection:

i need to be more proactive in asking if i can do the things myself.
need to have more confidence that i can do it. I KNOW IT!
need to "love to interact more
oh yeah! i think i need to be more alert man =x
lastly, before everything, i must plan my objectives!!!

2009-12-06T21:18:00.002+08:00

ahhhh!!!
tml is already attachment,
im still in a very holiday and slacky mood...
not mentally prepared at all.
still unsure of many things.
i assumed that we have to have our own objectives,
but till now i dont know what i want out of this attachement.
to make sure i get to explore and have a hands-on on my skills i learnt.
hmm.. probabaly,
but i just dislike it when whatever skills we do we have to record them down....
its a hassle!
i think im troubled with the troublesome admin work =/
grrrr....
someone pls guide me along....

2009-12-05T03:57:00.003+08:00

omgoodness!
its like going to 4am!
and im still not sleeping...
just had tea and finish all my housework.
YES! indeed, doing housework in the middle of the night.
im indeed a crazy, weirdo hur...
had a fun day with mushroom today!
we had such a wonderful, satisfying lunch,
watched a fantastic movie
and enjoyed shopping!!!!
lol...
and today is totally hilarious!
im behaving like an auntie and mushroom has to keep laughing!
i got everything with discounts (i have my means!!!)....
and i spent 1 hr plus at a bata shop to select cheap and comfy shoes.
plus happily adgitating an impatient, rude old auntie who supposed to serve us!
yeah, and i state " supposed", because she totally had no patience and she gave up serving us!
but she came a few times to us if we made our decisions...
hahahah!!!!
its my first time going shopping feeling so happy and not feeling tired at all!!!!
thanks eh, mushroom!!! ahahaha.....
and lastly we had supper cum dinner after the movie!
when i got home, im so occupied with housework and finally i can sit down to blog...
im so hyper during the day that i cant sleep now!!!
oh dear....
its gonna daylight soon before i could realise.
i love the sky when its dark,
i hate when sunrise.
probably because nth for me to look forward to.
ok, thats a 3 sec random stuff!
lol...gonna make myself sleep... and so goodnight!!!!

and.... sometimes i would love to look at my own actions! because mushroom cant forget how i react to the chocolates! damn auntie??? hhahahaha!!!!

2009-12-03T18:33:00.006+08:00

i am just such funny person.
during exams, i would just want to go out.
when exams are over, i dont feel like going anywhere but stay at home.
today, did not go out with my uni clique for shopping.
i just dont feel like it.
so i stayed at home...
leading a much slower pace of life.
where i woke up late as usual at around 1.30pm,
slack around to look at magazines,
cook maggie mee for lunch (sudd had a craving for it), despite my mum has cooked.
then started off doing room cleaning.
pack the stack of books on my table,
finally change my bed sheets which hasnt been changed for months.
mop the floor,
cleared the messy and entangled wires,
any finally everything is so neat and spacious.
felt so happy and have a sense of satisfaction.
really a 仔女！
my sis asked me about what i did today and so i told her.
she said, " NO LIFE!"....lol...
but i just have no mood to go out.
probably i need to work out a wishing list soon to have an aim to go for shopping.
just didnt like walking around aimlessly.
im so different from other females.
lol..
sometimes im wondering do i have more male hormones than female hormones.
because i dont really seem to be interested in what females like to do...
i prefer more male kind of activities.
oops=x
thats bad hur....
but i just like it!

2009-12-03T03:19:00.005+08:00

I Hate you!

You entered and i had to entertain you but you didnt respond.

2009-11-30T17:09:00.003+08:00

first time having exam on my birthday!
great! =/
its doesnt bring me any luck though.....
the entire paper, im speehless...
heart rate constant, pulse rate constant and everything constant....
no feelings for anything....
also dunno what expression to give....
was writing crap all the way...
wrote crap but still chasing for time too!
so never really complete..
never get to review my craps...
so i produced crappppsss...
but whatever!
1 more paper left and i be free to swim, to sing to catch movies, to slack and to crap!!!
cant wait for that moment to arrive!!!
soon ! soon!!! on wed!!!
so now chiong for the last paper!!

thanks again for those well-wishes!!!! appreciated!!! =D
oh yeah,
after exam.... mushroom has come up with several lame stuffs..
probably because after the 4 papers that made her haywired. hahahaha... jk..
one of them was indeed really lame...
mushroom gave me 1 min to decide if i want a cake.
and i said no.....
then guess what she added, ......." hurry, u are left with 59 secs to decide to have the cake."
yeah it was indeed lame...
because i was like a moment of silent before i could realise it =x
thanks arh!!!!! appreciate lots even though its damn lame....
probabaly u could try it again after wed exam.
i could react a diff way... hahahax!

2009-11-25T17:04:00.002+08:00

After being so panicky yesterday, afraid that i could not finish studying physio because thurs is the exam and i have yet completed 1 chapter.... grr.... plus i still dont really understand how the kidney really works...
its so damn demoralising and scary!
at the same time, im seriously lethagic, totally deprived of sleep...
due to the CPR course which cause me to wake up so early plus both the theory and practical are trying to get a share of my brain juice despite its already scarce.
oh dear....
and so yesterday didnt stay in school late to study...
instead, i went home with subway for dinner and watch " daddy at home" and then went to sleep...
sounds as if im not having an exam hur...
but wrong man!!!
i woke up at 3 am to start study till now...and i finally finish!!!
speed studying...
but of coz with understanding... if not its not called studying....
thank goodness renal is the only one chapter that we didnt touch in CA1....
or else how fast speed studying is, cannot even help me...
erm yeah...i just felt really relieved that i finish studying and i understood what i didnt understood in CA1... lol...
" i saw the light..."
probably because seeing it a second time and after exposing to all chapters,
i get a clearer picture of how physiology works... just like how anatomy is.
not hoping, but its a must that tml i will be able to attempt those qns....
if not there will be no hope, seeing my CA1 result -.-'''
ok, gonna search for mcqs to attempt them....
and must ensure i sleep early tonight...
because there will be no more chances for excuse that im tired....
and yea!!! not to be late.... must seriously ensure myself that...

2009-11-19T04:03:00.002+08:00

Finally!!!
finally i finish studying anatomy...
but i hope i do remember all my stuffs till sat when the exam ends....
need to recap recap recap!!!!
but i going to concentrate english and probably start contem tml...
if not my contem will be sure die....
so many chapters but only 1.5 days to study....
somemore i haven even touch anything on it ever since i took up this module...
die!!!!.....

2009-11-18T03:32:00.004+08:00

i think im so addicted to using lappie...
one day never use will die..
so i rush to finish what i intend to revise and come online at 3.33 am...
even though i expected there will be no one to chat with online at this time, i somehow hope to have someone to chat with me... cause im going crazy, everyday facing the book and everything comes from my mouth are just biological terms!
and im BORED!!!!
and... my 6th sense told me that today die die also must come online....
when i came online, the first thing i saw was to check RESULTS!!!
omg...
suddenly my heart was thumping damn fast....
until i saw the result for anatomy, my jaw " dropped"...
was disappointed....was sad... not because i failed...but i didnt even reach the average median marks...
but after much thought, i guess it should be expected...
how many pharmacy are there???
naturally, the avergae median will be brought up )=
and it was soon neutralised by the lab result...
despite knowing i will pass, but my heart is still thumping when i was finding for my matric no....and also i think i didnt trust myself enough, im an objective person whom i need to see evidence that i pass....
the overall process from the time i punch the nus link till i saw my results, only have 4 characters to describe, " 晴天霹藶!"....
hmmm....
my curiosity naturally makes me scroll to see how many fail for lab...
congrats! because there is only 1...
but the 1 i think it was unexpected...
im wondering why...
not anything... im just concerned...really....
hmmm....
btw, i have gotten into the mood of studying now....
need to seriously buck up if i really want to aim for scholarship...
if not i will have to throw myself somewhere i dislike... because i really need it....
seeing my mum worrying everyday, makes me feel that i ought to do sth about it because i can if i work hard....
ok, lets all work hard for the exams!!!!
then i go enjoy with no regrets....

Status: tired and want to slp now... but just hated myself for not being able to wake up in the morning... by the time i wake up everyday, halfday is gone... is like 2 pm!!!! omg!!! and of coz im left with so little time for studying...and my speed of studying is suppperrr sloooowww..... i need to read sth so many times before i can process into my puny brain and to pen it down.... grrr!!!!

And to vic: since i cant tag ur blog and i really want to say sth... " Pain is inevitable but suffering is avoidable..."

2009-11-14T00:16:00.003+08:00

Most people have their birthday celebration less grand as they grow up....
while mine was just the opposite.
as i grew up, i had more birthday celebrations and more high ones plus with more friends...
and im really fortunate to have met alot of people in my uni life, which i didnt expected to...
they are really awesome people whom i can have fun with, can chat with, chiong together with...
really appreciate today's celebration.... thanks alot!!!!
i know im going to have an enjoyable & memorable memories in uni.

And finally, the skills assessment is finally over...
and i just gotten sth which i wasnt confident in and i didnt practice much for...
but when comes to such crisis, it was for u to decide - to pass or not to pass...
it didnt matter anymore if u had alot of practice for the skills...
it all boils down to calm, confident in urself and then go through a process of thinking... making sure what u do comes with a rationale... AND U WILL BE RIGHT!
making a small mistake shant override your major steps...
and finally, im done with the assessment.
there are many other more battle to conquer next!!!
3 weeks of exam period + an assignment which will be due in no time...
im just so looking forward for all these to be over...
so there will be clinical attachment, many chill-out sessions and time spent under the sun!
before everything, lets us all do our best & leave no regrets. (:

2009-11-13T00:25:00.003+08:00

DEJA VU!!!
"feelings are secret" (mushroom, 2009).
how true it is...
im seriously afraid rumous....
and i really wish that history doesnt repeat itself...
because i had a tough time getting out of it...
it really hurts me lots even till now....
i was reminiscing the past on my way home and reflecting the present....
a rumour will really break a friendship in a blink of an eye.
even how long and how close a friendship has been...
it will really be a deep regret marked in the chapter of my life.
i cannt never forget how it happened, the entire process for many years and how i went through it....
its really not easy....
and i seriously don want the same thing to happen again...
i have several years more to go..... and may even in the future....
if it is true, time shall decide...
if it isnt true, not even a single second is given and it even kills...
that is how scary it is...
so please.... -.-

2009-11-12T21:09:00.003+08:00

there is only "rush" that could describe my entire day.

i just felt that i walked up and down the sch, from place to place, constantly at a fast speed...

and i never manage to stay at a place for long....

for the entire day, i just felt lethargic rushing from place to place, and i think my brain was not functioning fast enough to follow the speed of my legs...

hence, basically im walking around with an empty scull today....

i just wasnt right in the mind today....

2009-11-07T22:36:00.001+08:00

It is actually not what it seemed to be.

What a failure am i....

2009-11-06T15:08:00.003+08:00

just back from the halfday field trip to the hospital we will be attached to!
and mine is ST. Luke hospital.
so damn cool and exciting for me...
hahaa, the first work place is so near to my hse.
a 5 minutes walk and u will reach...
hahahaa, maybe GOD knows that im always late =x

ok, anyway... the field trip was much better than i expected.
i thot that it will be difficult for me to communicate with the patient..
but in the end i got easily into their topics....
A healthcare profession can do everything perfectly for the patient but without engagement to know more about their background, their needs, their worries and their behaviour, all efforts be futile in the end.
so ENGAGEMENT is very important....
i feel that i really need to brush up my hokkien....
before i can think about other languages to pick up.
then we had a tour around the hospital.
guess i need to get a while to get familiar with how the structure of the hospital organised.
lol, i nearly lost my way....
also, after donning the uniform, i began to like the uniform...
hahah i don mind wearing for lab sessions =x
but i may be just too lazy to iron....

ok, this weekend im gonna be occupied...
have to stay overnight at HQ tonight for tml amazing race...
but now im already tired =/

anyway, im excited for this coming attachment =p
ok, gtg take a rest... if not i wont be able to survive the night.

2009-11-05T21:52:00.002+08:00

Despite the stressful assignment we initially had to rush for and have to scarifice many hours of sleep, im still happy this week....
continuous laughing and chatting happily with my friends...
time passes really fast this week...
not only fun, joy but also sweetness...
its been a while i had this kind of feeling.
and initally i thought it was just illusion, just some form of sensitive and perhaps some form of thinking too deep into things.
perhaps im not afterall....
it may be true...
is it becoming more obvious that even others notice?
all the words he spoke, the actions he potrayed.... just cant let me stop thinking about it.
as each day passes by, it is getting more obvious.
but sometimes, i just cant help to deny...
because in a day,
i may just feel that i am thinking too much...
but before the day ends,
it never fails to give me the thought again.
im really curious to know the answer...
at the same time, i don wish to know but continue as it is....
i love the thrill,
i love the game of hypothesis,
i love investigating,
i just love guessing...
and of coz the type of feeling.
because i just know.... if it remain as it is, it will continue furthur....
but if there is a change, im afraid... i just have to be prepared as it may be a signal of letting go...

Let nature takes it own course.

2009-10-31T03:50:00.002+08:00

finally!!!
today finally handed in the ethics essay which is haunting me the whole week!
finally a heavy load of my chest after vomiting a pool of blood and many days of late nights.
suppose to be sleeping now but i guess i picked up the habit because of doing ethics essay...
1. burn midnight oil.
2. used to doing essays - now a 800 words essay is nothing.
3. workholic.
now is 4 am and im at Mac Donalds finishing up my English essay and PBL learning issues.
i totally have the drive to do work now...
but im just afraid i will be waking up in the afternoon and my half day is gone means lesser time to study for anatomy =(
now i just want anatomy exam to be over!
yeah, lets us work towards the deadline and conquer the assignments and exams one by one !!!
way to go!!!

today is the last day of ba ba bi yin!
happy ending of course.
and i learnt alot things from there.
definitely a nice and inspiring show.
三胞胎：loss, regret, cherish...
just like how u will regret when u lost something and will only cherish something when u regret.
they will always come together... like triplets!

2009-10-26T23:54:00.002+08:00

after last whole week of mentally with physically drained PIP,
i guess many people still reminscing it as much as i do.
first of all, congratulate to everyone.
because we have all done well =D
yep, till now...
im still hearing...
"MDM SUHUI"...
" Peanut Butter Jelly Chocolate Waffle With Bananas!"....
" oh, u woke up?"...
its good because it shows that people noticed u and ur role... means you are carrying the role well..
however, it may began to sound quite irritating....lol.. which i dunno the reason as well..
probably because memories cannot often be mentioned, if not will get bored...

hmmm...
anyway today we did a mind and heart test during ethics lecture.
we were each given 4 papers of 4 different colours.
red- people we precious most
yellow- favourite food
green-animals we like
blue- things that we desire
after asking to write, we were ask to throw them and in the end left with 1.
its quite a miracle... because majority are left with the red one.
yea, we are human! we got heart...
we have people whom we appreciate and precious most....
lol...
btw guess who im left...
MY SIS!!!
then we were asked to close our eyes, think of the good of the person while the music was played. the teacher then went around snatching the paper from us.
sound kind of hypnotise therapy right...
the purpose of it was to let us feel how it is felt to be like when your most precious thing/ one has to leave you.....
it was quite a rather meaningful lecture to carry out a topic on PALLIATIVE CARE...
it really let us understand the feeling when we become a healthcare profession, we need to know how to compose, remain professional and face situations like this...

Status: filled with envy after watching today episode of ba ba bi yin.... really is the way i wished to have....=l

2009-10-08T23:34:00.002+08:00

Despite the fact that it is e-learning week,
i am still tired and my brain juice is used excessively...
by all the assignments that i hated...
essays, research, crtical thinking for ideasin project...
i think its worst than studying for exam for physio and anatomy...
it does not give me so much uncertain about my work as much as the assignments this week...
the english teach was partially right today that we have to be confidence in our answers.
i think she meant that we have to show confidence by having back up like why is this answer and not the other...
and she is trying to trigger our uncertainty in turn make us become more confident in our compre answers today...
but sometimes, it is so difficult to be confident when you have so many setbacks... it dimishes all your confidence..
it is like taking english for an example, from young our english result is like the top from the bottm and the fact has never change despite the hardwork... so where is there still the presence of confidence? its difficult...
but nvm about all that, because even there is no confident in our work, we have to do and have to hand in and get graded eventually... just try your best and of course must constantly remind myself not to run away from my faults... need to clarify!

during this busy week, i felt something...
i realise something...
and it is in my mind constantly...
but im uncertain about it...
im not sure and i dont think i want to make it sure although my curiosity is high.
because im afraid of reptitive consequences of it....
its not worth it for the truth to be revealed.
furthurmore, the more i think about it, the more i felt im just too sensitive...
it good to leave it this way...
sometimes fantasies is better than realistic.

today i came to hear about one of my fauclty mate is like " getting married"?
because it was an arrange marriage when they were young? lol..
yeah, and there is still something like that in this era although it was not the forceful kind...
but it turns out to be a blessing in disguise...
the guy is good-looking and intellectual, totally suits her...
quite compatible when they stand together...
hahaha... perhaps wedding bells will be ringing soon... =D
sometimes there are really pros and cons about it...
some couples who are matchmaked, will be living happily together till old age...
some couples are married with love, but they ended up divorced...
in fact, there are many other factors in a marriage.
but i just deny the fact that the important factor is the finance in a family...
many people have this saying, "钱在做怪!"....
no money can lead to many many problems...
because it affects mood and increase troubles excessively...
thats why those couples that are matchmaked have no problem living together till old age, because they are of coz first arragend by fulfilling each party's requirement..
no one will want to be matchmake to a poor or abusive guy right? lol..

lol, also dunno how did i ended up in this topic...
i have discussed it alot with my friends today... lol...
and its like they have the same mindset as me...
REALISTIC!
hahaha.. but its true, no joke...

ok, to end it off.... i really want to watch THE UGLY TRUTH!!!! =(
guess that i have got to wait for the DVD to be out!!!
thats life...

status: eating cheesestick, enjoying CLASS 95 LOVE SONGS.... im loving it!!! =p

2009-09-28T00:37:00.002+08:00

time past really fast and school reopens!
as usual 8 am lecture....
hahaha!!!
feel like ponning, since the lecture is recorded.
but i think i will go, be prepared for the school life again so that it will bring me for the exam mood....
hope i will be able to do the paper well tml!!!!
and make a good start for the first exam, im having...
and dont let my effort to go down the drain =D
hope this week all exams go well smoothly,
let my 1 week holiday worthed it and is well-spent!
then i shant have any regrets for not enjoying myself during the week break...
ALL THE BEST TO ALL AND MYSELF =P...
ok, gtg sleep since enough rest is the best formula for exam...

2009-09-25T22:27:00.002+08:00

phew!
finally im done with CVS after taking 3 days to study it!!!
im finally left with blood and its a long topic too!
Perservere!!!

i would share sth hilarious today...
while i was busy studying and was seriously tired and bored, i got a call.
its was from a lady who speaks chinese. { k, i know thats stupid} but its impt..
hahaha..
here goes our converstation:
me: hello
lady:hello...
me: hello...
lady: 请问你会讲华语吗？
me: she 么？{i guess she didnt hear me....}
lady: 请问你会讲华语吗？
me: erm........erm....(thinking what will she ask me? millions of qns???..survey?)
me: dunno
and she repeated...
me: dunno...
lady:那不好意识。bye bye....
the end of converstaion, after we put down the phone, i laughed!
its not because i tricked her...
its because she was dumb!!!
hahaha...
if i dont even understand and how to say, how could i answer her qns?
its only i didnt say use chinese to say i dunno...
if i dont know chinese, naturally ppl will just go, " huh!??!!?... huh??!?!?"
wah! this type of telemarkertor.... lol =x
ps: maybe she must thought of it after she hanged up the phone bahx..

end of joke..
ok, need to go back and study...
i wanna go swimming tml lei,so i must finish what i need to do...
Gambattee!!!!

2009-09-24T03:53:00.003+08:00

what is happening to me?
why suddenly im vetting all frustrations?
and why am i so adgitated?
why why why?
its not me... im not the type that i would really say everything out...
somemore what i really feels...
ahh....
have studying really makes me go bongcus?
or have i unknowingly .......
i dunno... i really dunno why i have this reaction...
but i dint regret...
at least it makes me feel better....

2009-09-21T23:29:00.002+08:00

really appreciate this one week break...
a week break fully for some self-study and of course time to relax as well...
also time for me to charge my battery full to move furthur and battle with CA1, CA2 n will soon be final exam!!!
a few days of holidays have passed and i have finished 3 chapters...
felt so satisfied as i've fully understood, remember my stuffs....esp those chim BIO terminology.
there are more to come but im sure i will be able to cope well =D

argh, pass few days are public holiday my poor mum still have to work....
and of course the poor me is having all meals eating-out...
miss home cooked food so much, because it left me dunno what to eat when i am asked by my dad, what i want to eat....
plus outside food isnt that healthy either eh....

talking about healthy, im also reminded that i have to do some workout this one week break apart from study...
arh!!!! realise that the fats i shed for jc prom seemed to come back to me, while browsing through some photos...
shit!!!!...
really got to do something about that, cause i want my dream to come through....

2009-09-20T01:43:00.002+08:00

im finally on a 1 week vacation!
and its like really finally after seeing poly, ite all having their holidays and with much envy too...
the first day of vacation which was yesterday, i went to Zouk..
it was the NUS Quintessential Faculty Bash for the healthcare faculties- Dentistry, Pharmacy, Medicine, Nursing and DUKE-NUS.
hmmm... its less than what i expected... just some normal functional room with the lights off and shine with uv lights, added with loud musics and many people aound such that u have to say "excuse" and "sorry" all the time...
was quite bored la but it was the entertainments that kept my attention the whole night and allowed time to past fast....
enjoyed the dance section by all faculties and the " Pageant" thingy!
the duke-nus pageant king was damn hot!!! looks like a celebrity and the whole scene seemed to be like u are watching some tv shows when he walked out!!!
no doubt, pageant king for nursing and medicine was hot too!!!
and took quite alot of photos!!!
haha!!!
oh ya, also found out that there is a new couple in my clique... im so slow....
wahahhaha!!!!
someone said that to me, " i thought u are the type that will drive big posh car..."
hahahs... it make sme happy la.
but i didnt really thot of driving big car though.. hahaha..
may consider eh in future when i start to earn $$$$!!!!
anyway, overall it was a good experience.

2009-08-24T23:33:00.000+08:00

im feeling gay now!
hahaha...
felt that im so lucky and fortunate to have God's blessing.
To give me a bunch of good friends to reply on.
Giving all the company,
all the support,
all the help,
all the fun,
all the touched...
really felt so blessed!!!!
im beginning to like what im living for...
whenever you are despair, rmb there will be someone stand by you.
you will never be alone.
even if you feel you are alone at times,
it could probably be that the person is not beside you.
but is still somewhere supporting you behind.
just that the people around you aint your type or people that could understand you.
the world is so big.
there will surely be someone understand and share the same thought as you.
thats why never say you are a loner and feel sad about it.
is just that you haven found your friend...

oh yes!!!
no physio tutorial tml has also add on to my happiness!
cause i finally dont have to wake up before sun rise.
i also dont have to squeeze with ppl in the bus.
i can also have my brunch slowly at home.
at the same time save my pocket $$ = more secret savings!
oops=x...
hahahah...

2009-08-22T22:34:00.000+08:00

went to suntec yesterday to celebrate ZH birthday.
ate at swezens and also bought an ice-cream cake from there...
hahaha.. first time tried ice-cream cake.
not bad though, but i still prefer the normal birthday cake!!!
hahaha...
and after that we went to watch "The Proposal"!
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3261/3196134747_9f9baf5778.jpg
it was a great movie!
a funny, romantic and sweet movie =D
hahaha...
it worth the time and $$ to watch.
haha, luckily my 9.50 was not wasted...
but we watched until the last bus was gone!!!
had to take a night rider and then walk 2 bus stop away from home.
argh, the night rider cost me 4 bucks and i still need to walk home.
reached home at 1 plus.
but had an enjoyable time stil. hahaha =p

To compensate for yesterday,
stayed at home today to revise physiology- blood and cells,
followed by anatomy.
then went for a swim with my sis since i came across this channel 5 show, " whats good for u" and they say that exercise improves memory...
hahaha...
also need a break from all the biology terms!
argh! my skin now looks terrible!!!
its tearing like nobody business...tearing off at any spot they want. so ugly!!
GRRR....
btw i also finally bought a converse shoe!
its red and white.
feeling so satisfied about it... hahaha..dont ask me why.lol...

ok, gtg continue with study already!

Status:Im feeling so alert now!!!study study study. research research research.

2009-08-21T00:20:00.003+08:00

another week of school days has passed!
tml i have got no lesson!
yesh!!!! no need wake up early.
but i guess i will still wake up in the morning to finish up my physio revision before i go out to play...
such a good girl hur?!?! lol..
yeah, wanna wrap up things i spent, studying in nus lib for 4 hrs today while waiting for another lesson.
nus lib is quite a conducive environment for study eh...
perhaps gonna consider to make it a point to study there every once or twice a week,
to keep up with consistent study...
been quite busy with school, with all the assignments, research needed to do, coping of what lesson the lecturers are trying to convey and so on...
they all make me felt so shag after school everyday and i can even fall alsleep while standing on the bus. =x
thats school life.
get use to it!
ok, gtg sleep now so i can wake up early...
tml will be meeting jc friends!!! yeah!!!so miss them...
got so many things wanna tell them.... hahaha...

Status: wondering why am i having such an action everyday and while doing why i felt this way? i hope i dont fall into it unknowingly.... cause i dont want anything to change. i like the way it is...

2009-08-15T22:40:00.001+08:00

i just dId this facebook test, " GET TO KNOW YOURSELF?"
suppose to copy and paste in notes, but Fb does not allow me to.
so i decided to post up on blog cause i find the results so true! =D

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

2009-08-15T21:53:00.001+08:00

spent my whole sat on east coast kayaking today!
did 8 km expedition and towling.
im still having aftermath of sea waves.
ahh!!! felt so ps and so disappointed that i still cant do the deep-water entry!!!!
argh argh argh!!!!grrr...!!!!
haix...all the jumping in the water one still cant do.. sad sad!!!
tml are all the recapping of skills , i hope i wont be a disappointment again!
must perservere!!!
anyway, because we have to wait for the lorry to go back to kallang,
had some communication with the ppl other than ncdcc...
today get alot of chance to chat with him...
but the more i chat,
i realise we are so diff!!!
so many things not in common
sigh~but at least get to know him better...
just so sad that im not outstanding for him to be noticed...
instead, im the weakest for him to be noticed. sad !!!
simply no natural talent... cant be helped. =/

Thoughts: i realise im not sad as before like the first day of kayaking although today was the worst things i've done.and i guess the reason behind it is because i've gain sth more out of the trip today which i value more...
yes, as long as sth satisfy what u value, some other thing, even it may be the main point of it, it does not matter at all...hahaha...
woots!!! time pass so fast!!! i've yet to read my bio book!!! oh no!
pardon me for being random... they are presently my thoughts.( random thoughts)lol.